Lies or Tainted Truths by Tiffany Snow

 Lies or tainted truths? 

What if I just can’t see the me 

That is seen by you? 

Does that make me a fraud? 

Or is one of us confused? 

Whatever it may be, 

I’m entitled to my truth 

 Have you ever thought, 

truth may not be black and white? 

What if it is grey? 

and subjected to sight? 

What if our lenses are clouded by bias? 

Predetermined ideas we’ve conceived of others 

What if I don’t know? 

Have you ever thought of that? 

Please, no more trials - 

You’re pushing me away 

Or maybe that’s what I needed 

since your trust has decayed 

 I’ve dug very deep 

And in a pit I’m now stuck 

Pressured by your curiosity 

And now I’m trapped as fuck 

Me, myself and I is all that I got 

I guess I could get to know her 

Yeah, I’ll give it a shot 

Now that she’s alone 

And all that she’s got 

Her defences have come down 

Turns out, she’s not a bot 

She’s only human 

And bleeds like you do 

You should’ve cut her some slack 

Instead, you’ve left her bruised 

We don’t always know the answers 

Sometimes we’re confused 

And we don’t know we’re confused 

But that doesn’t make us fools 

It also doesn’t change whatever is our truth 

I’m still learning and growing 

I’m just a confused youth 

So tainted truths or lies? 

That judgement’s up to you 

But I’m done trying-

to prove myself to you 

I want to know her too!

She’s been used and abused 

But that’s okay, it just adds to her truth 

Through it all, she still has a good heart 

So, let me stop you all 

who try to tear her apart 

Tainted truths or lies? 

Cut her some slack, she’s human too. 

I’m still trying to find me 

Maybe just focus on you 

But who are you?

This poem was written to illustrate the internal turmoil of internalized homophobia, falling in love with someone who is "out," and navigating the conflicting feelings of it all. The grammar is off, the stanzas aren't uniform, the punctuation is sloppy, but this was all intentional. The season of straight-passing and living closeted had passed, but the season of authenticity brought more confusion than clarity. Feeling pressured and attacked to come to terms with her sexuality, the persona then flips the question on her lover, leaving her to wonder if she has truly come to terms with herself and accepted the season she is in.